if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
