I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just crazy horny about you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize