Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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