He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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