It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
