Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
