My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
