Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i've created a new STD.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
