I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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