Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
