We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
