There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize