it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
