I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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