You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
