Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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