I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize