he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
tell me about the eggs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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