goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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