I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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