Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
