why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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