Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
