but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
