He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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