I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
