So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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