i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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