somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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