So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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