4 words: hood of his car
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
