I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize