took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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