Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
