Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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