i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
