Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
