I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
