Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
