I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
