this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
