the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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