I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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