You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
