I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize