my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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