Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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