i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
