I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Please, let me fuck your mom
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
