I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
