Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
