isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize