that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
