nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
