They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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