matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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