every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize