if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize