you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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