Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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