Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
