Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
