You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
