Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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