Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
