is your mom at the bar?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
