Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
