found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
