you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
