someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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