so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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