Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
