i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
