i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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