and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
