I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
