I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize