Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
