listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
