He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
