I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
